Are We Losing the Art of Love? : Meditations on Love Part (3/n)

We have forgotten the art of love.

We have forgotten how it feels to be romantic.

We have forgotten passion.

In the chokehold of modernity, the art of love whimpers, a fading echo of yesterday's songs.

Forgotten are the tender caresses, the whispered promises, that once ignited hearts aflame.

In a world consumed by hustle and bustle, haste and distraction, romance becomes an ancient relic of a distant past, buried beneath the weight of hastiness.

Gone are the days of stolen glances and lingering embraces, replaced by hurried texts and fleeting encounters.

We grapple through life's uncertain currents, adrift in a sea of apathy, our souls yearning for connection yet unable to bridge the divide.

But amidst the chaos, a faint ember flickers—a reminder of the passion that lies dormant within us, waiting to be reignited.

man helping kids get flower from a tree

Since the title is about "love", let's discuss it in the modern sense of dating and relationships.

The Lost Art of Simplicity:

In a consumer-driven, fast paced society, the art of simplicity has been hugely overshadowed by a culture of extravagance and materialism. The value of a leisurely stroll, or of a fallen flower from the earth, has reduced giving way to grand gestures and expensive tokens of affection as the forms of romantic expression.

However, one should also know that simplicity is NOT synonymous with insignificance; for the beauty of simplicity lies in its ability to evoke a genuine connection and make way for the expression of one's true emotions, without the need for elaborate displays or costly indulgences.

Measure love's worth through the sincerity of intentions, not the extravagance of gifts.

Tyranny of Physical Prettiness:

With the rise of social media, the emphasis on physical prettiness has increased. With countless images of perfectly sculpted bodies and flawless faces flooding our feeds on a daily basis, many impressionable individuals have become increasingly fixated on achieving an unattainable standard of beauty. However, in the pursuit of this elusive ideal, they risk losing touch with the reality of human diversity and uniqueness. As users scroll through curated feeds filled with carefully curated images, they are bombarded with unrealistic portrayals of beauty that can erode their self-esteem and sense of worth. In this digital realm, authenticity takes a backseat to perfection, leading to a distorted perception of reality.

We, as a society, have constructed a pretty world and on the way, lost beauty.

In this quest for physical prettiness, we have lost sight of the true essence of humanity—the inherent authenticity, diversity, and imperfection that make a person beautiful. Instead of celebrating people's unique features and accepting their natural selves, we strive to look for a very narrow standard of attractiveness that makes us blind to beauty.

It is very much visible in our day-to-day lives. Where we try to make our cities car-friendly, and then pave them with roads; we try to make our homes Pinterest-perfect; we have forgotten how to design our room without an interior designer, who has studied in a college and has been made to conform to a pretty narrow standard of aesthetics- here is an idea: a design should reflect who you are, and no one on this Earth can possibly know who you are as a person, and hence, when you design your own space, it is unique to you and you only- something which is beautiful for you, and not pretty for others.

The Illusion of Perfection:

In the hyperconnected world that we are currently existing in, there exists a pervasive illusion of the perfect relationship— one which has been propagated through social media and mainstream media too—one in which partners seamlessly align on every aspect of life, from political beliefs to hobbies. This unrealistic expectation, perpetuated by romanticised portrayals in media and popular culture, can lead individuals to believe that finding the "right" person means finding someone who mirrors their own thoughts and values entirely. However, this mindset overlooks the fundamental truth that successful relationships require sacrifice, compromise, and a willingness to meet each other halfway.

Contrary to now-a-day's notion that compatibility is synonymous with "exact facsimile or nothing", true compatibility in a relationship often arises from the respectful negotiation of differences. While shared values and mutual interests can certainly strengthen the bond between partners, it is the ability to go through disagreements and inadvertently accommodate each other's perspectives that fosters genuine intimacy and understanding. For me, the willingness to sacrifice one's own preferences and priorities for the sake of the relationship is a hallmark of maturity and emotional intelligence. And yes, this sacrifice should not happen from one side only- for a relationship has two people in it.

Accepting the reality of sacrifice and compromise in relationships requires a shift away from the egocentric mindset of "I am who I am", and "There's somebody out there for everybody."

Instead, individuals must recognise that true connection and fulfilment stem from a mutual commitment to growth, mutual support, and mutual respect, and this connection is rare. That is something that is to fight for, because this connection is something that cannot be fostered synthetically- does that mean if you are no longer happy in a relationship, you should still fight for it to stay alive? No. Here comes the true definition of patience. Patience is not inaction;

It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of the hardship that you are going through.

Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love

Ultimately, if you look at it properly, the pursuit of the perfect relationship is a futile endeavour, as no two individuals are perfectly compatible in every aspect; and even if they are, people change, their beliefs change, their behaviour changes. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, individuals should embrace the messy, imperfect reality of love. In doing so, in my opinion, we discover that true happiness lies not in finding the perfect partner, but in learning to love and accept each other with grace and compassion.

In a society where dating apps, social media, and online networking platforms are rampant, the pursuit of instant validation has become the norm. Girls are bombarded with messages from countless suitors vying for their attention and validation, while guys are faced with an endless stream of potential partners eager to enter into relationships. This constant barrage of attention can create a false sense of security and fulfilment, leading individuals to seek validation and validation from external sources rather than from within themselves.

Staying single, rather than rushing into relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone, allows individuals the space and freedom to explore their own interests, passions, and goals without the influence or expectations of an external factor, i.e., a partner. It is in these times of solitude that one can truly discover who they are, what they value, and what they want out of life.

Rather than succumbing to the pressure to find love quickly or settle for the first person who shows interest (seen this happen to a number of individuals), one should approach any sort of relationship (be it friendship, or anything) with a sense of discernment. Because, us humans, with a brain that prizes instant gratification and immediate results, the art of patience may seem antiquated or out of reach now. Yet, that is the way to go.

A man who is a master of patience is a master of everything else.

Geeroge Savile, Library Mindset

Conclusion

Commodification of love has led to unrealistic expectations and a focus on superficial qualities rather than genuine compatibility. We are bombarded with images of idealised romance, perfect relationships, and flawless partners, creating an unattainable standard that leaves many feeling inadequate and dissatisfied. We have forgotten the beauty of imperfection—the messy, complicated, and unpredictable journey of love. We have lost sight of the value of patience, understanding, and compromise—the very foundations upon which deep and meaningful relationships are built.

But amidst the chaos and confusion of modern love, there is hope. By slowing down, being present, and cultivating genuine connections, we can reclaim the art of love. We can rediscover the joy of intimacy, the beauty of vulnerability, and the power of human connection. It begins with a shift in mindset—a recognition that love is not a perfect product, (stop looking for that perfect product) to be consumed, but a journey to be embraced with all its twists and turns.

It lies in the everyday moments of kindness, compassion, and understanding. It is found in the quiet moments of shared laughter, the gentle touch of a hand, and the warmth of a loving embrace. It is found in the willingness to show up, to listen, and to be fully present with one another. And it is found in the courage to open our hearts and let love in, despite the risks and uncertainties that lie ahead.